The media these days is making a lot out of actor Jon Hamm’s junk. And, if the photos I’ve seen are to be trusted, there’s a lot to make out. Word is that on the upcoming season of Mad Men, the show’s dedication to period authenticity is causing a problem in the more politically correct landscape of 2013. Sixties-era pants leave little to the imagination, so Mr. Hamm has been asked to stop freeballing and put on some tighty whities to keep everything on the up and up.
I feel a little behind the times with this news. Though I’ve salivated over this particular slice of Hamm since Mad Men debuted, it was the overall package that attracted me, not his … well, specific package. But a recent episode of The New Normal opened my eyes when NeNe Leakes’s character told Ellen Barkin to google “Jon Hamm moose knuckle.” Go ahead, try it. But not at the office.
Hell, if you can believe it, I didn’t even know what a moose knuckle was until I did that search. But now I do. Now I do.
What I want to know is: what’s the effect of the show’s new underwear policy on Christina Hendricks? Is she being asked to strap in those hooters like Hilary Swank in Boys Don’t Cry? Because that would take a lot of Ace bandages.
But that’s the thing. Despite Seth MacFarlane’s infamous “We Saw Your Boobs” number at the Oscars, nobody really makes much of a fuss about full-bustal nudity on screen (well, the big screen, anyway). But a penis is a different thing.
Well, of course it’s a different thing. This entire blog owes its existence to the fact that the penis is a different thing, so who am I to complain? But my point is that it’s being looked at from a different angle now. Oh wait, that’s not right, either. Okay, I’ll start again. … (Sorry, these photos are getting me a little flustered.)
The point—and even that’s loaded (oh god, there’s no end to this)—the point is that our culture has become a bit inured to boobs, but apparently not dicks. And frankly, this is a pretty interesting, potentially serious topic. If gender stereotypes bear out (and I know what a big if that is, really I do), the guys on the set of Mad Men have no problem with Christina’s tight sweaters: they might be a little distracted and have to whisper beneath their breath the adage that has always worked for me when arousal would be inconvenient: “Very old nuns and dead kittens, very old nuns and dead kittens.” But they wouldn’t for a minute consider asking her to cover up any more than she already does.
In Jon’s case, however, word is that it’s the women who are uncomfortable. Is it that penises are threatening while breasts are maternally comforting, or is it just that men are generally hornier? I’m sure some of the guys on set might be a bit intimidated by Jon’s package, but apparently they’re not the source of the complaints.
As for me, I’m looking forward to Jon’s next movie. With any luck, he’ll be listed in the next version of “We Saw Your Junk,” Kevin Gisi’s youtube parody of MacFarlane’s hit. Of course, we may have to see the movie in IMAX.